Picking Up The Pieces
I spent twenty years of my life in restaurants as a manager. I had different titles as a manager such as Chef, General Manager, and District Manager, but ultimately it is the same. You manager people.
With that, I have also done a ton of interviews. I actually enjoy interviewing people because that is when you can see someone at their best. They are nervous and want to impress you because they want to work for you. But there was always one question I hated to ask because to this day, I find it to be the dumbest question…
“Where do you see yourself in five years?”
In 2018, my life was the worst it has ever been. I left restaurants and went into business with a “family friend”. We were split partners except my name was on all the documents. I did not question it. It was an industry I knew nothing about. I did not question that either. I was assured that this move would make me more money than I could imagine and that I would be able to spent time with my family. Again, I did not question any of this. I just wanted to leave restaurants.
And so I did. I went into an industry I had no clue about. Funny thing is, I learned that I can adapt very well. I because pretty good in this industry. And at the time my company was doing well. Or so I thought.
The “family friend” turned out to be anything but. He is dead now. I have absolutely no regrets about that. He tortured me every day, made me do things in this company I did not feel comfortable with, and at the end, we lost it all.
I am being a little vague here because my company and job is not the point of this story. The point is, I got to a point where I thought suicide was the only answer for me. I was in debt…a LOT OF DEBT. I was out of a career. I could not go back to restaurants because I was years removed from it. I was over 400 pounds. And no money was coming in our house as family ties ended.
I was vocal about how I felt. Thank god I was. You know how some people are vocal when they are depressed, unmedicated, or do not have people to talk to. Listen to them. And luckily I got enough courage and help to talk to someone and give me something to help me through the rough patch. I realize now how people just do not get depression. It used to offend me when someone would tell me to breathe or walk or hand me a 1-800 number to talk to fucking strangers. But I have dealt with depression for a long time. This time, with the situation at hand and everything around it, I had to fix myself.
So I slowly did. Nothing is easy. Life is not easy and I know that you know this. But I went from my industry to not being able to go into corporate America to get a job. So I decided to sell my art. I did it through Twitter. I wish I could tell you all the people who were horrible about it. I was talentless. It is just a stick figure. Anyone can buy stickers. But I have two kids that I will always provide for. No matter what. And I believe in my art. So I sold. For three years I did. Then the market fell.
About a year ago I decided to go back into writing. I love writing. I love writing opinion pieces more than anything. Sadly, Twitter made me lazy. Why would I want to write fifteen hundred words to get ten likes and 800 views when I can write a Tweet that would get 8000 likes in an hour? But there is a calmness to writing.
Six months ago I got back into my health journey. My son has a lot to do with it. He is the complete opposite of me when it comes to body frame. He is all muscle. He loves lifting. And I want to enjoy that with him. And I guess it just tore me apart that I would have to tell him no.
I also decided to stop selling art as much online until I could do it differently. I am supporting myself better than I have with sports cards. Life is a lot different now. Better? Yeah, it is. I can sleep again. The nightmares are gone. And I look forward to tomorrow, but not as much as today.
So I thought about that five year question today. Most people say “I hope to be where you are.” because that is the typical answer. It is such a dumb question. But I guess I am looking back at the last five years of my life…
And I am glad to be alive.
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