When The Scale Says ERR

Let me start off by saying mentally I am not in the best place. I thought I would succeed at a few things recently and I failed. So while I am not a failure, I do feel like one. I am evasive about it, but I thought I had a couple opportunities that fell through.

With that being said, my eating and working out is now the best it has been in over three years. I am down well over 100 pounds, I am not working out for close to two hours a day, and my eating is on point. I am not out of breath when I walk, I have no issues moving around, and overall feel like nothing is going to stop me from dropping all of the weight.

And now is a good time to tell you a little about where I have been,

The pandemic in 2020 was hard for everyone. I am no different. I lost a company that I thought would be my future. My house had a small leak in the wall which turned into a full on flood and crazy repairs. Kids were in virtual school and honestly, I would not go to the gym. Now these are excuses. Whether they are good or not, that is exactly what they are.

So I turned to food.

I have done this many times in my life. But usually it is a short time. Usually I just go to the gym and realize working out and eating right is better than crap food. But I did not realize that. And I ate. And ate. And ate. And rarely moved.

Because of all of this, I was to a point of no return. in 2021, when the pandemic was winding down and going out was more regular, And I was lost. I could barely move. The seatbelt in my car would not fit let alone having issues getting in my car. I could not walk in a store for more than two minutes. I was bad.

But how bad? See, I refused to weigh myself. Scales are tools. You hear that you should not define yourself with a number and I agree. But I also agree that if you weigh a lot, you need to realize it.

So I decided to order a scale on Amazon. I looked for one that I thought would give me a number and I could start from there. And I ordered one that had a max weight of 450 pounds. Before this, my max ever was 442 so I thought it would give me a starting point.

Then I got the scale. I got on it.

It said ERR.

Let me be clear. As a fat person, the worst thing a scale can say is ERR. It means the scale cannot gauge how fat you are. And it hit me that I weighted more than 450 pounds. For the first time ever.

Now I wish I could tell you that was my “click” moment. That was the moment that changed my mentality. But it does not work like that. It put me in a worse place. And I kept eating. And not moving.

Being morbidly obese is hard on so many levels. Forget that you are a walking time bomb. No one respects you. No one. 99 percent of people know how to eat. I did not. So in so many eyes, I was dumb. So even if I was an expert in a subject, no one wanted to hear. It is hard to motivate others, especially yourself. And the more I write the more I will talk about how physically it is hard as well.

And no one can make you lose weight. Tell someone they better lose weight or you will leave them. See what happens. Putting people down is not motivation. It is what stupid people do. And sadly we live in a world with a lot of stupid people.

So at an ERR weight on a scale that went to 450 pounds, I had to find every bit of strength to do something about it.

I did not do it because I hated the insults. No one would say worse things to me than I would say in the mirror. I did not do it for those I love, which sounds incredibly inconsiderate and selfish. And in some ways, it is.

I finally did something because I realized I needed to. And it was not easy and I was hungry and mad that I could only do three minutes at the gym and as hard as I worked the scale still said ERR, but I guess I just picked life over food.

So I am not going to get into the “Disney movie” moment of when the scale finally registered a number or I did an hour at the gym non stop or I tracked my food for a week. But those added up to where I am now.

And I am in a good place. I am in a place where I can honestly say life is worth living.

So yeah, I struggle in many areas of life. I am far from perfect. Hell, I am far from “kind of okay”.

But when I get on the scale it does not say ERR.

And honestly, I am telling you it never will again.

Thank you for being here. I am finally ready to share more of me here. I plan on updating 3-4 times a week and also adding in some opinion pieces on social issues or life. I am going to post some behind a paywall, so please consider a paid subscription.

Also I am back to making art so if you are interested in any, please send me a message on Twitter or IG until I build a place to sell directly.

And if you ever wanted to support my journey, as this is my main source of income, would love if you would buy me a “coffee” here