The Seat Belt
A year ago I went to the doctor. My health was deteriorating. I was eating and eating, and gaining and gaining.
I have a lot of good excuses if you want to hear them. There is dealing with depression, the pandemic, losing a business, struggling with emotions…I have plenty more. Excuses, no matter how good they are, are just that. They are excuses.
While coming out of the pandemic, I knew I was in bad shape. You would think that I would stop it, but no. In fact, I made it worse. I kept on eating. I did not move a lot. I did this over and over again.
When I would take my son to a baseball game I had to get there 40 minutes early just to be able to walk to the field. I would stop three times going up the stairs in my house. And then normal left me. I couldn’t use the bathroom like I once did. Showers were hard. And then there was the seatbelt in the car.
At this point, my car seat was the furthest back it could possibly be. And my seat belt would get tighter and tighter to put on. Then one day, I could not click it. I would do this weird thing where I would hold the seat belt where it should be instead of clicking it. I so not think this would have saved my life if I got in an accident, but it made me feel safer for some reason.
None of this still bothered me until one time I drove my son to his baseball lesson. Midway he asked me if I was going to buckle my seatbelt. I looked at him and said yeah just give me a second. I did not buckle it. He never asked me about it again because he realized I could not click it.
People lose weight for a variety of reasons. They do it to be sexier, to feel better, sor their loved ones, for their kids. There really is no wrong answer. But my son never really asked me again about my weight. And it bothered me how bad I got. Not only for him, but for me.
Being fat isn’t partisan. It is easy to make fun of Donald Trump and Chris Christie and Ted Cruz being portly. But I was bigger than all of them. And when they got insulted, I should have been. But my politics stopped people from insulting me. But like I tell everyone, I am always two comments away from being a worthless fat fuck who draws stick figures. Luckily, I have not made those comments yet.
So finally, I went to the doctor last year. I went on the scale. It said 470 pounds. Now, this is shocking and alarming for many reasons. But I truly did not think a scale could measure that much weight. And when I saw the number, I went into a huge depression. I felt sorry for myself. I was lost.
But as I said earlier, people lose weight for many reasons. This was for me. Of course I wanted to be healthy for my family, but I just wanted to live somewhat close to normal. And I went slow. I would go to the gym and workout for two minutes. I would eat a little less. I did not want to just go all in like I usually do. This time, I want it for life.
So here we are today. I have lost well over 100 pounds. My clothes are way too big on me now. I can walk without being tired. I can run errands. My back does not hurt all the time. Showers and the bathroom are normal.
And every day, I am getting closer and closer to “normal”.
A couple months back when I was driving with my son to his lesson I asked him if he noticed anything. He seemed confused. I said “Look, my seatbelt is on.” Like any 13 year old, he said “Cool.”
But now I am ready to share my story with you all. And honestly, it is pretty cool.
Thank you so much for being here. Going to get more in depth about my workouts, eating, and life. I feel like it is a good time to do so. Please subscribe for free or consider a paid subscription with personal chats and extra posts. And if you ever wanted to support what I do, you could consider buying me a coffee here or acquiring some of my art. Thank you all!