Starting to feel success

So I have been a little evasive in some of my posts over my life over the last few years. It is kind of on purpose because as much as I do share online, I like to keep a lot of my life off of here. But some things you need to know to understand me today.

So first off, in 2008, I was at my heaviest weight at the time of 424 pounds. This is before I had kids, I would work 80 hours a week in restaurants, and life sucked because there were plenty of financial issues in 2008. Either way, I lost over 200 pounds on my own, gained an online presence, and started to write more and more.

I am saying this because I need to bring you to December of 2020. This is right after the pandemic. I was lost. I was a father. But I was also the heaviest I have ever been. I do not know exactly but I know I was over 450 pounds. That is crazy.

It really is. I could barely walk. I struggled with breathing. Forget the seat belt in my car and I do not want to discuss the struggled of the bathroom. But with the pandemic, not going to the gym, and crippling depression that really made me not give a fuck, it got me to a place where I did not ever believe I would be at again.

The weird thing for me is that I knew I was only getting worse and worse and I did not care. I do not drink or smoke weed or eat edibles. My coping at the time was eating. A lot. And when you eat more and move less, you basically gain a ton of weight. And I was in a bad situation.

So the pandemic ended. I joined a gym and did not love it. I was stressed every day still. I love every one of you and a lot of you bought art from me and helped me stay afloat during a hard hard time, which I am forever thankful for. But it weighed on me as well. There was a guilt part of me to ask for help. And it made my depression more crippling.

So like many of you know, I made the hard decision to stop selling art. I felt like I was basically begging when I posted art numerous times a day. I felt annoying. And since I stopped, my mental health got better.

My son wanted to work out with me. He is thirteen and looks like he is in high school. Not an ounce of fat on him either. So forcing myself to go to the gym made me finally love it again.

I would eat all the time. So I started finding other things to spend my time on. I would write or put sports card packages together for people or focus on things around the house. And with that, I have started to eat less.

So this Substack is a small update. I am close to losing 100 pounds. I now go to the gym over an hour a day. And my eating is curbed. And I am going to continue to focus on this.

My depression is getting better. I am not as anxious as I have been. And life is starting to be fun.

So I wanted to share with you that I am starting to feel some success…

And I could not be happier at this moment.

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