Passing On Anger

Let me be clear, Depression is not a choice. Not even remotely. I wish I could choose to not think the world was horrible and my life sucks and I am not a burden. But I cannot sometimes.

Same with anxiety. I wish I could wake up every day not worrying about the dumbest shit possible. I wish i could look at a bank account that is not overdrawn and realize things will be okay.

But with all of that being said, when things are going well in life, it does drive me to focus on a way to curb my depression, whether it is to talk to someone, get medication, or just go and buy a box of sports cards to sell and enjoy.

I thought about this today because five years ago, I was in a very bad place, and I was telling someone I was extremely depressed. Telling someone this directly is never fun. Sure, I can write this and limit comments and be done with it. But to tell someone directly and get instant feedback on it…not a huge pleasure.

So when I told my friend I was depressed, he proceeded to tell me there was a lot to be depressed about. Trump was in office, SCOTUS was fucked up, we had a Republican House…

And I stopped him. I got mad, very mad. I told him that has nothing to do with my depression. I was depressed when Barack Obama was president. I was depressed when marginalized groups were finally given rights they should have had. I get it, but Trump was not the source of my depression. A chemical imbalance was.

And I think about it lately. I remember growing having shitty Senators in North Carolina. I remember being reminded I was a “Dirty Jew” daily at school and people asking why my parents had accents. I remember 2008 losing a house and a job because of the economy and the 90’s when NAFTA screwed up the economy of my family.

The world truly has never been great. Never. That is the negative part of it. Look at the news today. The same people who I cheered with a few years back saying “IMPEACH THE MOTHERFUCKER” are the same ones who could care less about my family being murdered by terrorists. And to be clear, I understand why our views are different. There are still shootings every day. A tweet never saved one life.

Not.Fucking.One.

Electing a president now will not help gun control. Nor will it help world situations. How? We have bodies of the government that will never work together. We literally had the House kneeling and praying. We have the SCOTUS just itching to take away rights…

And this is where I am going to stop.

If I want to change the world, writing and tweeting will not do it. It just won’t. Large accounts have never changed a thing other than the amount of money in their bank accounts.

But, you know what. if you are a paid subscriber, you read about how my life is different now. How I have a buisness partner/friend/sister who has helped me see what the world can be. more than that, what I can be.

And while I was scrolling on Twitter and reading the news, I saw all the bad things that I have seen my whole life. You can pretend the past was better because you saw a cool meme of a kid jumping a ramp on a big wheel. It wasn’t. The 80’s was so propaganda filled it is sickening.

But I am not complaining. I am not. I want to make a difference.

And I will. Next year local elections are coming up, and I will support heavily those who I align with. Large elections are easy. Of course I am voting for Biden. I do not have to love him. But I sure cannot think of one thing I love about a Republican candidate.

I want gun change, but that will sadly take time and a lot of fighting. And yes, it is worth it. but telling Ted Cruz to fuck off has done nothing to help. Well, okay it made me smile…but still.

I battle depression and anxiety daily, and for the last three months, I have had nothing to be upset about. Sure, the news is horrifying. But there was never a time when it was fantastic. The world sucks.

Or maybe it is beautiful?

I do not know. But today, I am going to pass on anger. I am going to pass on fighting fights I cannot win and being mad about things I cannot change.

But what I can say is I have made the world a better place for my two kids by hard decisions this year.

And honestly, that makes me happy. And I can deal with the rest.

Thank you for reading. I am going to be getting personal about my weight loss, life, business, and other things, so please consider a paid subscription as that is where all will be discussed. Plus, art and card giveaways there. And if you like what you see and want to support me, you can here.