No One Deserves To Feel Alone
I have been online now for over 15 years. In that time, I have been a chef, general manager in restaurants, regional manager in restaurants, wholesale care dealership owner, retail car dealership owner, writer, artist, and memorabilia dealer. I have lost 200 pounds twice, gained 200 pounds three times, and now have lost 170 pounds. I have two kids now. So my life has been revolving for years.
One thing has been consistent throughout the years though. That is sharing my troubles and issues online. I am very vocal about my food addiction, depression, anxiety, and even financial situations.
There is a large part of me that is done with it. There is absolutely no reason at this point to share as much as I do about myself. I am not an influencer. Many of my friends have moved on to work with political PACs and promoting products. Some have much more successful Substacks than I do and make life altering money doing so.
I have nothing to gain by sharing my life. Nothing at all. When I do, most people just use it against me to attack me when I share an opinion they do not agree with. I am used to it at this point and quite honestly, rarely read the majority of comments as most are to belittle or judge me.
I am building my eBay and sports card selling, and that really has absolutely nothing to do with anything. I am finding ways (like I have) to get the best priced cards and sell them to good people at affordable prices.
Anyway, why? Why am I still going online and sharing my life?
A couple of years ago, right after the pandemic, I was at my lowest. I was 475 plus pounds, I was struggling selling art. I had to try and figure out how to pay bills daily and just was in a bad place. I had people who would buy art from me when they did not need to, which helped. Plenty more that would promise to buy art and ghost me.
But one night someone messaged me to thank me for being honest and open. I have gotten messages like that before but this one was different. She tried to commit suicide the night before. And told me what stopped her was something I wrote in the past about life getting better. And she told me she has seen me at my best and at my worst, and while everything is against her now, she won’t give up.
I read this and I responded and never heard back. I would see this person post online from time to time so I know she was alive. And yes, I was in such a bad place in 2018. 2020 was no better. And the struggle in life has been absolutely brutal.
But I share my life because of that one person who I do not know. Where my words mean more than a paycheck. Where they do not feel alone. Feeling like an outcast or alone is one of the worst feelings in the world. it is why I am so adamant about defending and protecting marginalized groups from uneducated people.
And I do not think I will stop. My life is different as I said. The last few months have been amazing. I have one person to thank for that. I enjoy waking up. I do not want days to end. Tomorrow is actually a reality.
But I refuse to stop being upfront about my struggles because of that one person who I will never speak with.
No one deserves to feel alone.
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