Lost (Kind Of)
It has been a while. And honestly, I have been up and down over the last month. There has been a lot going on in my life, and I am still living with the resentment of switching careers nine years ago only to have it almost destroy me six years ago. My mind wanders constantly. And what consumes my thoughts a lot is truly “what if”?
What if I stayed in restaurants and not switched to a different business that was not explained clearly. Most of my friends are executives at Top Golf all around the country. But me, I went into a business and had a partner who was a drug addict and it went under and I have been picking up the pieces for the last six years.
What if I kept the weight off instead of fighting every day? I know what I need to do to lose weight and maintain it. Hell, I was on my first diet when I was nine. I meaintained for years. But it is always a struggle and always will be. But one I will not stop fighting.
What if I did not sell art. I am so happy that some of you bought and cherish my art, but it was mentally draining selling it. People who had money treated me like shit for not. And that seemed to be a theme for so many parts of my life in the past. Not anymore. Those people are not longer a part of my life.
But the biggest what if I have today is what if I kept writing here in longform and did not stay on Twitter. Twitter is horrible. It is more than Elon, it is the culture that MAGA has allowed for years. When I say MAGA, I do not actually mean Republicans. I mean the crazy ideals people have who worship this man. To hear people freely use the R word or to say that the Holocause never happened, getting millions of views and like on social media is disgusting. And instead of walking away, I tried to keep doing what I always have. Getting the most out of 280 characters.
I cannot begin to tell you how nice it is to post a thought and get 10,000 likes in an hour. I also cannot begin to tell you how demoralizing it is to spend a bit of time on a article only to get 12 views and one like. I have lived both.
But at some point, I have to start over. I want to write about the election and my son and my life. But I cannot do that on true social media anymore. I posted a funny thing my son said on Twitter only to get hate responses. From people that follow me!
Social media is not what it was, but I am not either. I tried Threads, but wow that place is annoying. I do not have it in me to do anything else but…write.
And so, that is what I will do. I owe it to the few subscribers I have here. I owe it to myself. because mentally I need to get absolutely right. It is a big step for me, to slowly walk away from what I knew for years and solely focus here. But why not.
And I will ask for subscribers and I will ask for tips because why not. But in order to do that, I need to provide a service I have lacked here.
So I am not going to tell you expect this amount of posts or anything like that. I know I have locked down my Twitter for good, but will post from time to time, especially to promote sports cards. I know I miss art but no desire to message the same people to beg them to buy. I know I miss talking about politics but it is not the same. And there is a lot of fear for November. And it was fear I did not have a month ago.
So I am just telling you my thoughts, which usually works out well. But hopefully if you stick around, I will have more and more to share here. And my comments will be off, but if you are a paid subscriber, I believe you can message me directly.