Grudges

So today I am in a pretty bad place. I wish i was not. I probably should juet lie to you and tell you that I am good and my success with weight loss so far and how my kids are healthy and amazing people have helped to try to get me back on track. All of it is true. But I also am not where I need to be, I feel like a fucking failure, The week should have been the easiest week and it is not, and I am so so angry at a lot of people in my life who I no longer speak to.

I have a bad habit of holding grudges. And I can and have for many people. In my life, there are family members I trusted who have let me down. I have friends who were not real friends. And once I find this out, I cut them out. And for the life of me, I did not think I lose any sleep over it.

Someone once told me it is not healthy to hold a grudge. That it only hurts the person holding it. I swear when I heard it, I thought it was the dumbest fucking thing ever. I kinda still do. But lately, it has been eating at me. I have been anxious and I say I do not know why, but subconsciously I do. I keep thinking about the people I trusted and no longer “think about” yet they are holding me back. Well, I am holding myself back. I am feeling bad. I am becoming a one man pity party.

But the someone was right. I will never get anywhere in my life if I hold grudges. if I keep dwelling about the bad people and not focus on myself and the good people, I won’t survive. It is not fair to me. And the last few years have been rough as hell. This month is hard and thankfully I survived with help and then all turned to shit in a blink of an eye today.

But I am done with grudges. I am done holding in all this hate for people who have done nothing but caused me pain. Nothing but lied to themselves to make themselves feel better. I won’t live like this.

So as I sit here, I am telling you, I am not in a great place. but I will be. I will keep working on myself. I will not make excuses and I will not blame the past. Whatever happened before I cannot change and it is dumb to dwell on it. Sure, people have fucked me and some do not even know the truth about things, but I am done.

I am letting it all go. I am not holding anymore anger. I am truly not.

And I will continue to fight ever obstacle that comes my way.

Thanks for reading. I will have a weight loss challenge coming soon. Also consider a paid subscription where you support me as well as have access to chat with me and comment. And if you like what you see and want to support, you can always buy me a coffee here.