Food Addiction

I want to put this out there because this will be a pretty big theme in a lot of my personal writings. I am a food addict. For many this does not make sense, which is fine. It shouldn’t. Let me also say that I am in absolutely no way comparing addictions. I am well aware that being addicted to alcohol, heroin, crack, opioids, and nine million other things are much more harmful.

With those disclaimers being stated, I am addicted to food. I use food just like other people would use the things I stated in the previous paragraph. Instead of a drink, I would use food to numb me. I would eat a ton of food to give me a feeling that I just did not care.

Obviously, it is not healthy. No addiction is. But I would eat and eat and eat until I could get that feeling. Over and over again. And then do it again.

I have a horrible relationship with food. I rarely feel “full”. I just stop eating because I know I should. I do not have a favorite food. Most junk food works as long as I eat enough. I have had a bad relationship with food since I was a kid.

I am the person that sneaks food. I hate eating in front of other people. I can go hours without eating only to eat a ton. This is the daily battle I have had for some time.

But I also realize this and work on it.

The hardest part of any addiction is admitting it. I am not going to sit here and just say “I like food so what?” or blame a slow metabolism or any of that nonsense. I eat a lot of food for selfish reasons. I do it to make me feel numb. Numb from the pain of life that my mind has decided to tell me I have. Look, it is easy to say depression and anxiety lie. It is hard to not believe it when it tells you 500 times a day.

And because I know this, I try hard to work on it. I have been real good for the last year. You cannot take an addiction and substitute it for nothing. It is why I am on Twitter so much. It is why I am very involved with my son’s baseball. It is why I workout daily. It is why I collect sports cards and sell art and write here. I am trying to take everything and put it into positive things instead of food.

So yes I write down what I eat so I can remind myself I am done. I focus on just getting the right amount of calories in me a day. That is where I am in life. It is not easy, but being well over 400 pounds was far from easy, which I will talk about soon.

So I did just want to give you a little insight into the person I am. I truly believe for me, I have to make the decision of choosing between life and food.

And lately, life has been winning.

Thank you so much for reading. Going to be posting a lot more so please consider subscribing for free and a paid subscription where goodies are coming. And as always, if you like what you see and would like to support, you can always throw a tip here. Thank you for everything.