Depression Lies (And Does a Good Job At It)
Today started amazing again. Woke up early, jumped out of bed, got a few things done and then hit the gym.
Today is seven days in a row at the gym. I have used the same machine longer each time and ready to move to weights along with cardio. I move better, I feel better, and honestly I am happier.
But I also suffer from depression. What I thought was a bad mood or feeling worthless was more. I have always felt like the world would not care if I was gone. I always had voiced in my head tell me I was crap, no matter what my weight was. I could have a great accomplishment, and it meant nothing.
None of it made sense, I just thought that was how I was wired. People would tell me I have depression and I would tell them they are crazy. No one wants to admit they suffer from depression. It can feel like a weakness. But unlike weigh gain and loss, you can hide depression until it becomes overwhelming.
But in 2018 when my life was falling apart, I went to the doctor because I was tired of feeling this way. I was tired of being unhappy and miserable and I wondered if life was really that bad, or if it was me.
And it was me. I took medication, and have since then. So now in 2025, I am feeling a lot better. I look forward to each day and I want to be better.
But depression is a great liar, an amazing one. It will tell you that you are worthless when you are not, will tell you that you are ugly when you are not, and it will tell you the world is better without it.
And the crazy part is that is can be so fucking convincing. But it lies. And I know it does. And while I have my moments, I can fight real hard to tell myself it lies.
It is why I will post “You are loved” on other social media sites once in a while. I want everyone to know what a liar it is.
So I am writing this because today was a damn good morning. I worked out, I ate well, I got stuff done, and I was smiling.
And then all of the sudden, I felt worthless.
But like I said, depression lies. And I know I am worth it.
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