I honestly can only speak for myself on this. In fact, every thought I have is not a general consensus. I have always hated when people assume how others feel or think. It happens a lot with workouts and weight loss. Actually, it happens a lot with every topic.
But there are two questions I get asked when I tell someone I am depressed or anxious. And when I get asked this, whether it is right or wrong, I believe the other person does not understand depression and anxiety. Those questions are…
“What do you have to be depressed about?”
“Why are you anxious?”
99% of the time I wish I had the answers to those questions. I know the answer to losing weight. For me, it is eating less and moving more. I know the answer for saving money. It is making more than you spend. I know the answer to 4 plus 2. It is 9.
Okay, so I am not good at math.
Just because I know an answer does not mean I can fix it easily. I have always struggled with my weight, but I also have been and right now am very successful. Same with finances. I have had so many good moments and bad. And when the bad hit, I look back at the good and wonder why I did not do things differently.
With anxiety and depression, it is completely different for me. because most of the time I have no clue.
Depression for me is a life altering event. 2018 is one. The financial crisis of 2008 is another. But there were other times when life gave me lemons covered in shit that i was fine with. There were so many times when I should have been depressed and was not. Yet, I also can also remember the smallest thing would set me off.
Anxiety is one that I swear is the devil. It has no rhyme or reason. None. Life could be absolutely perfect and anxiety will come in and tell me everything wrong. I could win a million dollars, and anxiety will come in at 3am, sit down, and pull out a Powerpoint presentation about how I have to pay taxes on the million, how money will not make me happy, and how people lose it all.
And I cannot understand either sometimes. And I hate that.
I am the kind of person that has to have a cause for an effect. As much as I disagree with some people, logically I need to see where they come from. The topic of Israel is one. It is one I refuse to talk about. I was raised one way and I am very one sided. But I also see the other side and how others were raised. It is one that no, and I mean no, words will change anyone’s mind when they have instilled their feelings on it.
Lately, I have no commented on any politics. Because there is no point a lot of the times. George Santos is a criminal, a horrible, human, and a liar. He does not need to be in Congress. Fuck, he should have never been in there. Yet, when I see comments, it is about how fat he got. Out of every single fucking thing he did, that…THAT is what you want to focus on?
Oh, I am no martyr. I will make fun of Marjorie’s disgusting feet all day.
But with depression and anxiety, there is no cause and effect. None. It just happens. And then I feel worthless and broken. And I hate it. I do. I hate feeling this way.
Overall, I am in the best place emotionally, physically, and just happy that I have been in 20 years. So when I am worried or feel like a burden, I cannot figure it out. Because I know I am not. But it is so convincing.
I wish I could figure it all out. And I do not even want advice from people on it. I do not want to smoke weed or watch a YouTube video or read some guy who is a guru who stole a shitload of money from people.
I just need to realize that I am happy. That things come and go, but the core of my life now is perfect. And things will happen, but I can solve. I have been through hell and back. I just want to enjoy my life now.
And I am. I just wish I understoof depression and anxiety.
But you know what they say about wishing, right?
Thanks for reading. Trying to figure out how to proceed here. I want to make it worth every single penny for a paid subscriber. I like that they have access to me that no one else does. But want to do more. And as always, if you like what you see and want to throw a tip, you can here. And will have a few more posts before my birthday on Sunday! Be back!
I feel the same way. It’s like my dad used to start a reply with “oh, I can’t complain” then go on for 1/2 hour bitching about how things are different than when he was younger. It’s ok. We love you and don’t want you to stop getting our subscriptions. One day you’ll emerge from the fog and things will be better. We can wait for that.