Being Fat Sucks

Before I start this post, I do want to clarify a few things, because it seems like I share contradicting information in each post and I finally know the direction I want to go with my Substack, with you, and everything else.

First thing is all posts here will be free for all. I will not do any paid posts for now. I want as many people to hear my words as possible. And I have decided to share much more intimate parts of my life, including my weight loss struggle, life failures, and parenting, along with new creations of art.

Now, with a paid subscription, which I believe is $5 a month, you will get the ability to be much more up close. They have added a new chat and direct message feature. To be clear, on my phone, I only get two notifications. I get texts, and messages here. So it would be like being able to talk to ask anything right after, either in a group thread or privately. Also, when I make art, I will be offering it to paid subscribers for under $20 if interested. So no rush on any of that.

Also, if you enjoyed my time on Twitter from 2008-2021, I think you will want to follow me on Threads. I am bringing back my old style.

And last, I will keep posting my Ko-Fi link at the end of all posts. Do not feel like you need to ever give anything, but if so inclined, I know some have asked to throw a tip here and there. This way you can.

Okay, thank you and time for the post.

Being fat sucks. Every single thing about it. There truly is no joy in it at all.

When I say this, I do not mean chubby. I do not mean chunky or thick or any of those things. What I mean is, for me, being fat.

If I ever want to find out if I am fat, I do a simple test. If I go up to someone I care about and say I am fat and if they argue with me, I feel like I am not. If they pause and say “Well, you should get healthy.” then I know I am. And I have spent a majority of my life being fat. And let me reiterate one thing.

It sucks.

Before the pandemic I was on fire. I was going to the gym 7 days a week and eating perfectly. But with the pandemic came the loss of going to a gym. And I am not the guy who enjoys walks outside or workouts in my house. So I fell out of love with the gym, and started to eat. And eat. And also eat.

As you are aware, the Pandemic was beyond a stressful time for all. And everyone has a vice. Some people drink, or smoke, or whatever. Well, I have not done either since 1996. Instead I ate.

I ate so much that last year, I got up to 475 pounds. It was the most I have ever weighed. Let me be clear, it was horrible. I could barely walk. I owned two shirts because nothing fit. You could hear me breathe a mile away. My back was always in pain. I could not sleep. And it was the worst.

But you want to know why being fat really sucks? Because no matter what you say to people, no one cares.

You lose dignity and respect because you do something others cannot. Even the dumbest of people can control what they eat. But I cannot. And whatever I say, it is lost in the filthy shirt I am wearing that I am lucky that fits me.

Since last year, I have lost well over 150 pounds. I can move now. I am not out of breath. Life is just much better and it is hard because so many times, I would choose food over life and I never realize how much easier it is when it is the opposite.

People listen now and ask questions. I have more confidence. I will not get into that whole “I still have a way to go.” Hell, I already went way past the darkness. And I refuse to go back.

But the gym is still hard for me, which if you know ANYTHING about me, that is weird. I spent 90% of my online existance talking about how much i loved the gym. Honestly, I fell out of love with it. But it doesn’t matter. Because i am going back again Monday like I did. And there are reasons why which will be in upcoming posts.

But I feel better. My eating is under control. And I look back at myself last year and I am glad I am much further from that person than ever before.

In a lot of ways. And if you stick with me, you will learn why in the weeks to come.