When I was a kid, I wanted to be a comedian. That was my goal in life. I would listen to different comedy albums of Jerry Seinfeld and George Carlin and although I did not truly understand the majority of the jokes, I focused on their timing and how they would deliver jokes and stories.
I would practice with my friends. I would think of a funny story and relay it to them just to get their reaction. Some would laugh, others would not. That is what you expect from kids. I would tell jokes to my parents. Most of the time they did not laugh, but there was an occasional ha ha. That was enough to keep me going. I would think of jokes and just work and work on my delivery.
So when I was twelve, I tried out for the Junior High talent show. I was this four foot 200 pound big hair guy walking up on stage to audition. I remember my first joke was something about The Price Is Right, I do not remember it exactly.
What I do remember was the drama teacher Barbara Dialton stopping me after my first joke and saying “Just stop. You are not funny.”
And there is where my dream of being a comedian ended.
You know, adults suck. I mean, kids do also, but that is expected. You expect kids to say mean shit to you. You expect kids to tell you that you suck and are fat and blah blah blah. As an adult, I expect peers to be mean. I have heard enough you are not talented, your art sucks, fat fuck, and all of that from being online. I get all of that.
But when you are a kid, and an adult breaks you down, no matter what anyone else says, it hurts. It changes you. My parents could have told me to keep at my dream and friends could have done the same. It just did not matter. Not to me at that time.
Looking back, Ms. Dialton was a loser. She was a woman who was not talented enough to become an actress. She could not maintain a relationship although would constantly ask if any of us kids had single parents. She was just a shitty junior high drama teacher.
But as a kid, that was who I wanted to impress. And by not doing that, it sucked every single bit of confidence and charisma I had. After that day, I did not ever say I wanted to be a comedian.
Could I have been a good comedian? I honestly do not know. I know how to tell a story. I look at things differently than most. I know how to make people laugh. I think some people would love me and some would hate me. But I think I could have sold out some small venues and made people laugh for an hour.
But that is not the point. The point is I will never understand why shitty adults bring kids down. Never. Like it wasn’t my fault that she did not make is on Broadway. I had nothing to do with it. I never told her that her acting was bad. I mean, she did show us a tape of her acting and ohhhhhh boy it is bad. But still.
But what I have learned, and learned way too late in life, is that I have talent. Yeah, maybe my 12 year old show about Jolly Ranchers and The Price Is Right was not going to be an HBO special. But, I mean, I do garnish enough attention online for what I write. I have helped some comedians write jokes. I truly truly believe if I would have stuck with it, I would have been successful.
Or maybe I would have been penniless and playing bowling alleys. I truly do not know. I am happy with the life I have now. I would not trade it for the world. But I hate the fact that some adult who has absolutely no talent did everything in her power to bring me down.
And, of course, like most of the assholes in my past, I most certainly got a DM from her telling me about how she saw something I wrote and her perception of the past was that she was a big part of my life. I wish I could tell you the amount of bullies and horrible people who love to pretend like we were friend years ago.
Actually, she was a part of my life. One of the worst parts.
I also do not like people yeah yeahing me. If I suck at something, I truly want to know. I tell my kids all the time if I say something, I mean it. If my daughter wants to be an astronaut, absolutely. She is smart enough and athletic enough. If my son wants to be an astronaut, nope. He get motion sickness. Just work at NASA.
But the fact is I did not suck. Enough people told me I did not suck. Sure I was not ready to sell out The Apollo, but if Ms. Dialton would have just given me encouragement. Hell, if she would have just shut the fuck up, who knows what would have happened.
And for this, I will forever hate adults who did not succeed in life and take it out on kids who want to be the best they can.
Anyway, sorry for this tangent. I was going to talk about my son’s baseball season.
Thank you for reading. Will have some good posts coming up, so get ready. Please subscribe for free or consider a paid subscription where I will have chats, videos, and more. And as always, if you would like to throw me a tip, you can do so here.
I think you’re hysterical. We both have bad habit of looking back vs forward. A recent Dove wrapper told me “Inhale the future, exhale the past” and I’m really trying.
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